so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
