My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize