Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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