I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
