Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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