dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
