Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
