Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
