WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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