I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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