Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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