we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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