Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
