Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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