Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
