I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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