i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize