You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
