today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize