his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
