If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize