All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
