I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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