searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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