He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
