I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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