so explain again why im purple
no
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
