dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i think my cat just said my name.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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