your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
