So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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