this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
