and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
