Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
