don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
