____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
