I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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