The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
