tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
