If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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