all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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