I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He passed out mid-signature
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
