I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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