U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize