So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
