oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
