we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize