The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
