my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
