Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
