i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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