i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize