He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She bit a glass in half.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
