i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize