Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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