Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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