the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
