Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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