So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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