were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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