Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
