I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
