Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
