This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
