cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
