this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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